I'm Always in This Twilight

At the end of a harmless, fun Saturday night, i can safely say now that it was the most satisfying one i've had in such a long time. So many things got covered and my life got made so much simpler, many events and feelings culminated and now i feel incredible, relaxed.

I don't feel quite lost anymore. The feeling that i thought i had, i realized doesn't exist, and that i was just freaking out about nothing. You see, sometimes your mind plays awful tricks on you, and you just need something small to see past it. I'm so glad that happened tonight.

I had a long conversation with my best friend in the whole world tonight. That also helped. We just went over what we thought of our friends and the choices they've made, and how it affects me mostly, and i just...don't want to be them. I really don't. It was so nice to have someone there with a level head for me to talk to. Not just someone who'll get all defensive and try to convince me that i'm wrong. It was so nice to just get it all out. It really was. And all thought there are still some tthings i don't think i'll be able to tell anyone, i'm real glad i did what i could. Honestly, sometimes i love my friends more than myself.

Let Me See You Do the Tightrope

Uh...here

That's my update on thi9ngs, if you didn't see it already. Well bye.

There's taco salad for dinner.

Dear God, Sorry to Disturb You, But...

...I pray we can make it better down here.

Alot has been on my mind for the past few weeks, or days, or something. And it's been a while, so...here you go.

As you may know, i've been working "for" Safeway for the past 6 weeks. Well, not working for them, but for this program through the Oregon Blindface Commission. I mean, Oregon Commission for the Blind. And the program ended this weekend. Thus, no more job for me. However, someone quit i guess, so they're keeping me on. Now i'm going through the entire process of applying, paperwork drug test, et cetera. I can' start working until i take a service class next Monday, but i do get paid for it, and at least i actually have a job.

Also, last night was our first script read for the film. It went...amazingly. Everyone is so talented, and at times i felt inferior, but someone did tell me i was fantastic, so...i don't know. I always think that about myself though. Perhaps i shouldn't. I mean...i'm in a movie dammit.

Last week at some poin, this sort of...rush came over me. Like....everything in my life is slowly falling into place. I mean, This could be the start of something great. Everyone wants to make their own mark on the world, right? Well, i could be doing that. Or at least...purchasing my marker. This is going to sound really corny, and i hate to say that something sounds corny, because that's cliche, and saying something's cliche sounds cliche, but...i just know that this is where my new journey starts.

I'm...on my way to being something. Somebody. I honestly can't wait. I just can't. I can't wait to show people what i can do. Who i am. Inside and out. In about a years' time, well...i don't know what i'll be doing. But my first step will be taken, and i'll be ever-ready to start on my second.

 I'm starting to feel like an adul now. It's scary. But so exciting.

But, as life blesses me with many things, it also takes things away. If only temporarily.

My girlfriend is leaving for college in a few weeks. It seemed like such a long way away a few months ago, but now we're down to weeks. I'm scared, but i know we'll be okay. I'll try to be miserable as little as i can, and try to stay occupied with other things/people. But that'll be a little more difficult than i had hoped.

My best friends are also leaving. But much further than the former. Mississippi. I'll be just...lost. I feel lost right now, and i don't know why.

I've been just...so pissed off at everything lately. No song sounds appealing to me. Don't feel like talking to anyone, really. Not even the ones who would probably help me out. Maybe i need to relax. You know that staring at the ceiling/sky thing i talked about doing a long time ago? Haven't done that. Maybe that's what i'm missing.

I should probably get to sleeping now. I've got some important...nothing to do tomrrow. Great. I have a feeling that's what alot of days are going to be like in the near future.

I need new friends. Or to make better ones out of existing ones.