Swinging for Mars

So...it's over.

No longer will you hear about my schooling exploits. No longer will you read of my academic turmoil and woe. You probably cared as much as it seemed that i did. But it's all over now. My high school career ended today. But it ended just like any other normal day. It just...happened. There were no words spoken of it, no applause, no bands playing, not even in my own head. It just happened.

So how do i feel?

I'm not too entirely sure to be honest. I'm not even sure it will hit me at any point. I have no reasonable explanation why, but i sort of feel numb to the whole thing. I'm not even thinking about it. Honestly i'd love to know why, but i just don't feel anything. Do i not feel i earned it? Will it finally come over me like a wave when i finally get my diploma? I mean, i know this is important, and it is a very big deal, Maybe i need time to think about it. Time to myself. I need to lay down, stare up at the celing and decipher this. Process it. I'm not sure when it's going to happen, but i bet it will be soon. I need to do that. For alot of things.

I've finally triumphed over arguably the hardest year of my life. I've had so many setbacks and struggles this year, and they've all come to a halt. Now i can go be free. I...can't believe it.

And, for a while now, I've had a much different attitude about life than i used to. Life just...hands you so much shit. So many problems, that you've just got to go and show it that you aren't afraid of it. I've been more carefree than i've ever been. If i make a mistake, so be it. Everyone does. Life has treated me so awfully, that i just don't care. And i'm not drinking or partying or whatever either, but just...i fon't know. I want to be a kid. A stupid kid. For once. Now that i'm an adult, i realize that. I feel like i've missed out in a way i suppose, so i'm doing what i can now. In the comfort of a few close friends of course.

So, i guess that's it. That's how i've bee feeling for the past...year i guess.

Also, i have no idea what it is, but i feel like something's been missing. For a while now. I mean, i have everything i need right now. I have a job, i don't have to go to school, i have an amazing girlfriend, and for some reason, i'm not as happy as i think i should be. I mean, i've been okay, but i simply feel there's something else i need. And it isn't there. Perhaps my adult-itude is making me think weird things. I'm not entirely sure. Maybe i should write here more often? It might be more therapeudic/cethartic to do it. I don't know, i've always felt better after writing about/crying over things that bother me.

Well, thanks for reading, if you did in fact read it. Feel free to leave comments if you want to talk. Any questions about life, me, my life, whatever, i don't care. Just um...i don't know. But if you want to comment, go ahead.